i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
try to milk me bitch
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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