So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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