You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
