I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
