This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
