The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
