I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i've created a new STD.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
