Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
