I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
