Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
