My liver just broke up with me...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
