she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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