We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
