I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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