Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
