while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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