shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
As shirtless as possible
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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