Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
