New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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