So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
