i think my tv is drunk
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
