sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
