Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
