he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
