he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
