shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
