we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
