the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
