So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
