I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
