Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
