you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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