i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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