where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
