u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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