why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
