Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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