I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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