White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
