I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We got so high we made milksteak
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
