Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my poor anus
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
