i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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