why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
