his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
