Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
