if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
