It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
