I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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