my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
