Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
